The Battle Hymn of the Republic

Defending you, my country, hurts
My eyes. I see the drums, the glory,
The marching through the gory
Unthinkable mud of soldier's guts

And opened hearts: I want to serve.
I join the military,
Somehow knowing that I'll never marry.
the barracks' slience as I shave

Is secretive and full of cocks.
I think to myself. What if I'm a queer,
What if too many years
Go by and then my brain unlocks--

The days seem uniformed,
Crisp salutes in all the trees;
A sandstorm buries the casualties
Of a war. What if I were born

This way, I think to myself,
What if I were dead,
An enemy bullet in my head?
I see the oil burning in the Gulf,

Which hurts my eyes. My sergeant cries.
Now he's a real man--
I sucked his cock behind a van
In the Presidio, beneath a sky

So full of orange clouds
I thought I was in love.
I think to myself, What have
I become? I lose myself in the crowds

Of the Castro, the months go by
And suddenly they want to lift the ban.
I don't think they can.
I still want to die

My death of honor, I want to die
Defending values I don't understand;
The men I see walking hand in hand
Bring this love song to my mind.

Rafael Campo teaches and practices in Internal Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital. His practice focuses on Latino, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered people. He is the son of Cuban immigrants.

source: The New Young American Poets: An Anthology, Ed. Kevin Prufer, 2000