Top 10 Signs Your Brother-in-Law Might Be Joining the Tea Party, and What To Do About It

  • He has a swimsuit with the “Don’t Tread On Me” flag on it.
  • He starts answering questions with, “You betcha!”
  • Developed a sudden interest in Coast to Coast a.m. Radio and UFOs.
  • At every family gathering, he urges you to invest in gold and stock up on canned goods for the coming globalist apocalypse.
  • Got a tattoo on his bicep of Ayn Rand’s name inside a heart.
  • Has a bumper sticker that says, “Refudiate the birth certificate,” and another that says, “Repeel Congress.”
  • Wears American flag t-shirts and bucket hats with fishing tackle pinned to them.
  • Refuses to buy avocados because he’s convinced they’re agents of the Mexican conspiracy.
  • Has a Nancy Grace shrine in his living room.
  • Falls asleep to a “relaxation tape” of Glenn Beck monologues.

If you recognize any of these signs, try switching his pre-set radio stations from the local reactionary talk shows to NPR and Pacifica. If he’s so used to blindly following whatever he hears on the airwaves, he’ll be cheering to Amy Goodman’s lambasting of corporate power before he even realizes the switch occurs. Then, of course, the critical thinking will set in. But if this plan doesn’t work, you might have to try more drastic measures. Take him on a tour of foreclosed houses in your neighborhood. Make him volunteer with you in an elementary school mostly populated by immigrants. Make him watch all 18,000 hours of Spike Lee’s “When The Levees Broke.” Anything to break the brainwashing cycle. Most importantly, enlist your other family members. Make it so he’s the lone reactionary ranter at every Labor Day picnic. Help the children develop their own arguments against his hamfisted soliloquies. He may soon discover that his precious tea party has only been feeding him Kool-Aid.

Also, for further amusement:

Download this piece as a PDF
This entry was posted in Quizzes. Bookmark the permalink.